Last year during the holiday season, I was pregnant with the girls and just hoping to make it to 34 weeks. That was not to be. So once I couldn't hope to reach that milestone, I set my sights on a new one. Next Christmas. "Next Christmas, my girls will be home and I won't have to drive to the hospital 2, 3 sometimes more times a day to see them". "Next Christmas, I won't have to leave my little angels behind at the hospital". "Next Christmas, I won't have to act brave and try to make Christmas still somehow special for the little angel I have at home, when inside, I am terrified that the phone is going to ring and one or both of the babies will be in some sort of distress". "Next Christmas my girls will be HOME. There will be chaos, the shrieks that only little girls can make, there will be togetherness and a sense of family I haven't felt in so long (because my own family is now gone) and oh, did I mention, the girls will be HOME". That is what got me through those difficult days.
So I felt compelled to get up and share this with my church sisters, many whom were there last year and who, well, KNOW. They gave gifts, time, prayers, encouragement..you name it. I felt overwhelmed and filled with heart joy that next Christmas is, basically, here (Or for those denialists, is close). And that it is shaping up to be all that I had hoped. I am so excited to express my gratitude. And yes, I have done this all year long (even through colic, lack of sleep, general crabbiness-mine and the babies, the slap in the face reminder that poopie diapers are well, poopie) but this holiday season, the one that I looked toward with hope and longing and faith, is going to be the best ever. And those tiny babies who weren't even 4 lbs last Christmas are beautiful and healthy and complete the family I have dreamed of for so very very long. I give thanks, from heart and soul, from as deep, far down as I can.
1 comment:
LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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